In May 2004, I lost my father. It was sudden, and although I was 39 years old, I now needed to take several tough calls.
My parents were living in Delhi, and I knew that I had to move Mummy to Bangalore to live with us. While the decision itself was straightforward, implementing it was fraught with risk.
Given Mummy’s schizophrenia, I was deeply concerned about the impact this sudden change would have on her mental health. She was grieving the loss of her partner of 57 years, and now she would be also be uprooted from her home of four decades.
I gently introduced the topic one evening, after we had completed all the ceremonies for Papa. Fortunately, my Mausi and Mausa ji were there, and together we walked her through the changed circumstances and why she should move in with me. She surprised us all by agreeing.
I too was grieving and feeling rather overwhelmed by the situation. I remember ruminating over this repeatedly during our 2.5-hour flight to Bangalore - unsure of how things would unfold.
As it turned out, I need not have worried. Mummy embraced the change quickly, and within a fortnight, we had all settled into a new routine.
One person who played a special role in this transition was our Cheekoo. She was just 3 years old and was thrilled to have her Nani as a new companion at home.
They would play endlessly, share stories, and enjoy meals together. Slowly, I saw a shift—Mummy moved from grieving deeply to speaking about Papa with quiet love and composure.
A few years later, we spoke about that phase and how she had managed such a significant change. What she shared stayed with me, and over time, I found myself following parts of it.
Here is her simple mantra for handling change:
- Acknowledge that the change is inevitable—and that it may be long-term.
- Evaluate all options, filter out that are not feasible and only then accept the one you will pursue. After this, don’t look back - just move forward with.
- Commit fully to the chosen path—with the intent to make it work.
- Learn to ignore the noise and uncertainties during the transition.
- Remind yourself not to overthink—just go with the flow.
